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You and your parents were close and you considered them a joy and inspiration in your life.

They imagine that babysitting your grandkids is a privilege -- at their convenience -- and too often don't think about how lovely it would be to simply have family time together. They think that their parents will be there forever, that there will always be time to get together, to do this or do that together someday.

They figure that as long as things are humming along in their lives, why call you with any details? When you're 20 or 25 or 30, unless you've had the misfortune to lose a parent at a very young age, it's hard to imagine not having your parents around for years and years to come.

It wasn't until the daughter was nearing 30 that she rediscovered the joy of close ties with her mother.

I've seen other friends and patients blind-sided and baffled by sudden hostility from adult children who, as they mark their new independence, start complaining about their parents' deficiencies in parenting.

The young couple -- and, for one session, the wife's mother -- came to therapy to find ways to resolve this ongoing conflict and, working together, were able to do so.

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